WHEREAS The Fourth Day of November in the year 2008 represents the long-awaited resolution to the fiercely contested Presidential election.
WHEREAS By nature of Mr. Obama’s residency and its proud Democratic tradition, the great city of Chicago finds itself squarely at the center of attention on this momentous day.
WHEREAS No municipal or government body has shown the foresight or fortitude to state what needs to be stated.
NOW THEREFORE WE, Coudal Partners, do hereby proclaim that
WHEREAS All employees are hereby required to report for work at the regularly appointed time and subsequently spend the morning hours unfettered by any assignment or memo, conversing with coworkers and furiously surfing political blogs for the latest information.
WHEREAS It would be nice if someone brought bagels.
WHEREAS Commencing at the hour of lunch, all employees will be set free from obligation, to leave the workplace and join friends and family at places of community and conviviality.
WHEREAS An exception will be made for those employees in “battleground states” with certain disagreeable political leanings who are required to arrive at work before the polls open and work until they have closed, without a lunch break and under constant supervision.
WHEREAS For everyone else in Chicago, we will see you at Grant Park. In all other American burgs, villages and hamlets, pretty much anywhere with a television is acceptable. Bowling alleys, rec rooms, firehouses and taverns are a few suggested venues.
WHEREAS Employers not obeying this proclamation are forewarned that they will find the day without productivity or profit and in the end only earn the ire of their tireless and devoted workers.
WHEREAS By the authority vested in us by us, all employees in the U.S.A. are encouraged to forward this proclamation to their supervisors and if there is some doubt about said supervisors agreeableness to follow the guidelines stated herein they are further advised, in the great tradition of American Democracy, to take matters into their own hands and sneak out the back door at lunchtime leaving this web page open on their computer as a statement of their whereabouts and intentions.
WHEREAS Employers are also advised to allow great leniency for late arrivals on the morning of the Fifth Day of November.
Signed and Stated by Coudal Partners, 31 October 2008